Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize