Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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