Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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