is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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