If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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