Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
