if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
