No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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