why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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