I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
