Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Blood and glitter go together right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
