You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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