We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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