we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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