Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
