Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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