Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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