I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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