i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
