she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
