Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
