yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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