he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
