And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
