my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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