sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
