I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
