the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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