Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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