Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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