She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pants are for mortals
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
