dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize