Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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