I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
