Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
