there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
