I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
