sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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