im drinking this country out of the recession.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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