His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
