I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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