Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
