Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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