Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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