I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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