dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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