my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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