it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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