when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
