So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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