C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
