why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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