my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
