soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
