Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
