i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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