Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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