Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
