Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
