Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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