HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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