Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize