I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want to have your abortion
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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